Friends, parenting right now. Can we just agree that we’re in uncharted territory?
I always think about how our kids are being raised in a world of firsts. They’re guinea pigs when it comes to effects of smartphones and most other forms of technology. They live life with the knowledge that anything they do or say could be put on the internet without their consent. They’re constantly comparing themselves (and being compared by others) to unreachable standards. Their family photo albums are actually social media feeds with likes and comments from their parents friends.
It’s a pressure that I can’t even imagine...even as an adult. But what about the generation of adults? The ones parenting these little guinea pigs?
We are experiencing all of these firsts as well. But we’re in the drivers seats. The gentleness that a child might receive is not extended in the same way to a parent. Moms and dads both are under constant scrutiny. They’re constantly being watched, judged, and misinterpreted.
This morning, I had my two littlest ones at Costco. They were standing in the cart as I pushed it through the store and a woman literally blocked my cart with hers and scolded me for letting them stand. She lectured me on the seriousness of head injuries. Now, I talk about grocery store connections all the time. I have immense respect for older generations and I am humble enough to know that I don’t know everything. But this woman was very clearly not interested in my children’s safety. She was interested in shaming me.
I'm in a healthy enough place to handle a comment like that. But man, parenting is full of instances that can only be described as sucker punches. You're minding your own business. You're doing the best you can. You're finally coming up for air.
And bam.
You get a call...your child's diagnosis is confirmed. Bam. There's an accident. It's going to eat up your savings account. Bam.
Your child is having trouble at school (behaviorally, socially, academically, whatever)
Right now, my friends, parenting can feel impossible sometimes.
Every generation has its own struggles. Its own realities. Its own norms. Our parenting struggles, realities and norms include increasing rates of childhood illnesses that are confusing and undefined on spectrums without research-based treatments, skyrocketing depression and anxiety, epidemic food allergies, behavioral struggles, classroom competitiveness, unhealthy and modified food supplies, gaming addiction, smartphone addiction, sugar addiction. The list goes on. Parenting today is not the same as it was even ten years ago.
Parenting right now is impossible. And we can’t go at it alone.
I don’t mean that we can’t parent without friends, although mom friends can feel like everything. Like literal air going into your lungs. They can feel like understanding and comfort. Acceptance and safety. Mom friends are one of the greatest blessings on the planet. “Momming” would be much harder without mom friends. But not impossible.
I also don’t mean that we can’t parent without a spouse. Spouses are vitally important. They provide respite and reciprocity. They see the intricate workings of your children that nobody else sees. They are the only ones walking the same path as you when it comes to parenting. They can also feel like comfort, understanding and safety. “Momming” would be much harder without a spouse. But not impossible.
I’m talking about doing this whole parenting thing without the help of Jesus. And if you haven’t gotten to the point of understanding that statement, then my advice would be to prepare yourself. “Momming” without Jesus. It’s impossible.
It’s impossible to have patience for the ump-teenth time.
It’s impossible not to compare your life.
It’s impossible not to feel anger and yell.
It’s impossible not to feel shame when you mess up.
It’s impossible not to fear ALL. THE. TIME.
It’s impossible not to resent your spouse.
It’s impossible not to bottle up and disengage.
It’s impossible not to quit.
And with Jesus, there is power to break all of those chains. There’s hope beyond circumstances. The power of shame falls away. Resentment melts into gratitude. Anger loses its power as your reaction. There’s a true source of power guiding you through the hard and the messy and the scary.
Because hard, messy and scary. They will find us.
And they can’t win. The job we’re doing right now. It’s too important to go at it alone. So don’t mom alone. Don’t walk in fear or shame or guilt or resentment. Fix your eyes on the One who holds the world in His hands and who loves you and your kiddos more than earthly imaginable. When you're at the end of your rope. When you've failed yet again. When the fear of "what ifs" become suffocating. Ask him to give you strength and power beyond your own. Recognize that this IS more than you could ever handle in your own strength and that you desperately need Him. Ask him for patience. For contentment. For love. For faith. For endurance. For whatever it is that “momming” has revealed that you aren’t enough on your own.
And watch Him work.
Watch Him bind up.
Watch Him restore.
But whatever happens, don't mom without Him.
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