We have a bit of an epidemic going on right now in Austin. Have you heard about it yet? The electric scooters have taken our city by storm. The epidemic seems to be mostly contained within a 5 mile radius of the city center with only a few outliers randomly appearing on sidewalks out in the suburbs. People find one, jump on and weave around the streets of Austin like they’re playing some kind of video game. It’s equal parts entertaining and terrifying to watch.
Last week, we took the kids downtown for St. Patrick's Day and spent the afternoon aimlessly wandering around and enjoying the day. The scooters were out in full force, and to my seven-year-old’s disappointment, they were not for him. Later in the afternoon, we were standing at a crosswalk waiting for the light to turn so we could cross. When out of nowhere, it seemed, a scooter with two young girls riding, came flying across the crosswalk in our direction. They began yelling frantically at another pedestrian couple standing near us who were blocking the on-ramp to the curb. The scooter girls were apparently powerless to slow down, and were angrily screaming obscenities at them and yelling for them to “GET THE (blank) OUT OF THE (blank) WAY”.
When the couple realized what was happening, they tried to move out of the way, but it was too late. The girls flung their bodies off of the scooter to avoid the imminent crash and continued to rail the women for being in their way. My children, of course, stared mercilessly at the entire encounter in the same way that you can’t seem to tear your eyes away from a car accident that you’re driving by. The girls re-boarded their scooter and went on their way, with obscenities flying out of their mouths as they puttered off into the distance.
As we walked on, my husband told me about a separate encounter that he had with a scooter as he was exiting his parking garage. A man on a scooter appeared out of nowhere as he was about to drive under the mechanical arm and pull onto the street. Luckily, he saw the scooter and was able to stop but both men were shaken by the thought of what could have happened. He rolled down his window to check and make sure the rider was mentally okay and they shared their relief that they’d been spared from the worst. The encounter, while similar in set up to the first story, was so different because of HOW they responded to one another. Both experienced high emotion and a spike in adrenaline. But the first story was a missed connection. A tearing down and a devaluing. The second was a true connection. One where sympathy was exchanged and a recognition of mutual self-worth.
It made me think about the daily encounters that we are all faced with everyday. We experience hundreds, or maybe thousands, of small opportunities like these, to encounter and connect with one another on a daily basis. And on a large spectrum of levels, from deeply intimate down to extremely casual. Highly emotional to not emotional at all.
I believe each one of us was created with a need for human connection. A desire for reciprocity.
Yet, I know for a fact that we ALL miss these moments all the time. We’re tired. We’re busy. We’re in a hurry. We're hungry. Whatever the reason, I know I miss them all the time.
I have two preschoolers right now who attend two days of childcare for a total of seven hours a week. That means, including drive times, I have about six hours of alone time each week...assuming that nobody is sick and there's not some holiday or 35 degree "ice" day. I try to use those six hours of alone time to be as productive as possible. Whether I’m running errands, attending meetings or doctors/dentist/hair appointments, there are many things that I can do so much better and faster when I’m not dragging around a four and two year old along with me.
However, there is an extreme difference in my encounters when I am dragging along the kids with me versus flying solo. Children are such a tool of connection. People smile more, sometimes, they outright laugh at us...Or with us. I’m not always sure which. They ask my children questions or they ask me questions about them. Animals seem to have a similar effect on “breaking the ice” and paving the way for a human connection. We see a dog and we have a comment, right?
“Oh, how old is he? What’s his name?”
Sometimes encounters go even deeper and I realize I’m listening to a stranger tell me a story about when one of her children was young. Regardless of how these interactions go, I think they’re actually extremely important to us as human beings. They make me feel seen. Sometimes, I feel understood or grateful for unsolicited assistance. I feel that my value, just as a human person has been recognized and acknowledged.
This may not seem like a big deal, and I know there are tons of people out there who cringe at the idea of small talking with a stranger. But that’s why this truth about children being “connecting points” for us is so wonderful. Our kids make this easy and natural.
When I’m alone, people don’t look at me. I don’t look at them. I am task-oriented and uninterrupted. And I sometimes look up and realize that I haven’t spoken to one person in a matter of hours. And again, we were created to be IN RELATIONSHIP. With one another and with God. And when we start to isolate, when we have no need for or we forget how to form these connections, we lose a part of ourselves.
Aren't we all extremely heartbroken over the increase of depression, anxiety and suicide in our nation over the past 10-20 years? Do you hear the alarm sounding? This is a real thing and it’s devastating. Let's not passively teach our kids that it's always been this way, because it hasn't. It’s no longer something that only affects a small number of people. It’s no longer an exception to the norm. It’s an epidemic and it’s stealing our family members, our neighbors and friends. I honestly don’t think we can afford to lose our ability to connect and communicate with one another.
So while I can think of all kinds of reasons that I’d like to take care of my errands when I’m alone, I’ve started purposely tackling them with children in tow. I encourage you to do the same when you can. And start watching for these opportunities and how simply HAVING CHILDREN WITH YOU will provide for real, meaningful connection. And also for the quick, no-big-deal types of connections too. I’ve started bringing my kids into the dry cleaner with me, telling them I need them to carry the big bag of dad’s shirts. I push them on the cart through Costco and stand in line with them at the post office. They’re honestly not SO BAD to have around. :)
Because one day, I won’t have the option to bring them along with me. They’ll have their own lives and I’ll have to settle for creating connections with others in a less obvious way. I’ll obviously be the old lady in the check-out line striking up a conversation with the young mom in line in front of me. I’ll always ask if I can pet your dog. And then I’ll hopefully have some grand story to tell that will make a person feel seen and validated and understood. Because that’s something we all need, no matter what our Enneagram type or our phase of life or our mood for the day.
